Tuesday, February 12, 2008

you are not to blame for bittersweet distracter

Eva Felina Ramone
Today at 7:30pm
You make me want to cry Jimi. You make me feel like I should just die.

James Stitts
Today at 7:53pm
ive already cried, i feel like im a fuck up and im really lost. i rather just dream all day then deal with it all. but eva no matter if im angry or unmotivated or whatever, i still love you dont think i dont. i love you more than any other person on this earth and ill always stand by that. people always say we are so much the same and i think its completely true. i see myself in you, we were raised in a pretty strange enviorment that we may never the ends to... i really lost all direction with this. i didnt want you to feel bad, i didnt mean to make you look at yourself in a different light. i just wanted you to understand, that i know im fucked up. i know my short comings and there is alot of self loathing going on here. .... i want to tell you to not bring them up, my short comings that is, but i think that i really do want you to. i think that i should, i think we should. if you dont want to talk now, i completely understand.

you shouldnt feel bad, youve done nothing that should attribute to those kinda emotions
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... we feel the same. I am just as lost. Maybe that's why I was angry. Angry because I myself am lost and I try to derive meaning by finding wrong someone else. It doesn't make me any better of a person. How selfish of me, and to do it to my own brother? We are going through the same things, feelings and thoughts. And I didn't even realize it. Oh life!!! Bittersweet and beautiful...We do feel, we FEEL! And Jimi's words, I feel their truth ring out in me. I just read my previous post and we said the same things, we felt the same things.

I love my brother with all my soul.

Eva, think, reflect, think again, and then act.

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