uncontrolled rambling emotion

"im wrong, youre right. i procrastinate. i lie. i am apathetic toward family ties. i take things for granted. im mal-tempered. i am wasteful. i steal. im lazy. im not reverent. im lethargic. whatever"

What am I supposed to say to that? It's true. He is right in his own way and I even understand this point even without understanding. I can't help but feel so wrong for pointing out how he messed up. Why was I pointing the finger in the first place? I was angry, angry because this person spoke only half truths, didn't tell he whole story, and it hurt me because it was about me. So I felt I had to correct him. That makes me selfish, uncontroled?

When hear this, I feel there's no point to anything. For a split second I feel there is no reason to live. I feel that I should die, that everyone should just pull the plug on life.

Breathe breeeeaaaathhheee...

And what is this "wrong"?! Why does there have to be right and wrong? Why are we taught wrong, why do I need to be confined by right and wrong? I don't need to be but why do I feel guilty? I can't help but feel it when I'm consumed with what I think is guilt. "Who made me like this? Was it me and god in co-production?" Can't help but feel, I can't change what I feel... but I can control my actions and think about them. But... what about apathy?? I should not have responded in anger, but I'm only human. And to be human is to feel and be conscious of these feelings? But...what about apathy?? What about acknowledged apathy?

I just, I love my brother, and to hear him say these things is a gash in my soul. If he is dead physically, emotionally, whatever-ly I feel it. He is my brother, the closest genetic match I have to anyone else in this world. We read each others thoughts. Sometimes when we are together, I start singing a song and it's the exact song Jimi was singing in his head. We are almost the same person though we are not. And he feels his own things and I feel mine and sometimes we are at odds with each other. I just can't understand even when I wish to. Why do I feel Jimi is so withdrawn?

Does my need for pointing out what's wrong confine me as a person from being able to see on a greater level, to see another point of view? I desire to understand, I need to open my mind. Ha. I think I have blown all, out of proportion.

Breathing, Breathinnnngggg.