9. Jigsaw Falling Into Place
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
you are not to blame for bittersweet distracter
Eva Felina Ramone
Today at 7:30pm
You make me want to cry Jimi. You make me feel like I should just die.
James Stitts
Today at 7:53pm
ive already cried, i feel like im a fuck up and im really lost. i rather just dream all day then deal with it all. but eva no matter if im angry or unmotivated or whatever, i still love you dont think i dont. i love you more than any other person on this earth and ill always stand by that. people always say we are so much the same and i think its completely true. i see myself in you, we were raised in a pretty strange enviorment that we may never the ends to... i really lost all direction with this. i didnt want you to feel bad, i didnt mean to make you look at yourself in a different light. i just wanted you to understand, that i know im fucked up. i know my short comings and there is alot of self loathing going on here. .... i want to tell you to not bring them up, my short comings that is, but i think that i really do want you to. i think that i should, i think we should. if you dont want to talk now, i completely understand.
you shouldnt feel bad, youve done nothing that should attribute to those kinda emotions
-----------
... we feel the same. I am just as lost. Maybe that's why I was angry. Angry because I myself am lost and I try to derive meaning by finding wrong someone else. It doesn't make me any better of a person. How selfish of me, and to do it to my own brother? We are going through the same things, feelings and thoughts. And I didn't even realize it. Oh life!!! Bittersweet and beautiful...We do feel, we FEEL! And Jimi's words, I feel their truth ring out in me. I just read my previous post and we said the same things, we felt the same things.
I love my brother with all my soul.
Eva, think, reflect, think again, and then act.
Today at 7:30pm
You make me want to cry Jimi. You make me feel like I should just die.
James Stitts
Today at 7:53pm
ive already cried, i feel like im a fuck up and im really lost. i rather just dream all day then deal with it all. but eva no matter if im angry or unmotivated or whatever, i still love you dont think i dont. i love you more than any other person on this earth and ill always stand by that. people always say we are so much the same and i think its completely true. i see myself in you, we were raised in a pretty strange enviorment that we may never the ends to... i really lost all direction with this. i didnt want you to feel bad, i didnt mean to make you look at yourself in a different light. i just wanted you to understand, that i know im fucked up. i know my short comings and there is alot of self loathing going on here. .... i want to tell you to not bring them up, my short comings that is, but i think that i really do want you to. i think that i should, i think we should. if you dont want to talk now, i completely understand.
you shouldnt feel bad, youve done nothing that should attribute to those kinda emotions
-----------
... we feel the same. I am just as lost. Maybe that's why I was angry. Angry because I myself am lost and I try to derive meaning by finding wrong someone else. It doesn't make me any better of a person. How selfish of me, and to do it to my own brother? We are going through the same things, feelings and thoughts. And I didn't even realize it. Oh life!!! Bittersweet and beautiful...We do feel, we FEEL! And Jimi's words, I feel their truth ring out in me. I just read my previous post and we said the same things, we felt the same things.
I love my brother with all my soul.
Eva, think, reflect, think again, and then act.
uncontrolled rambling emotion
"im wrong, youre right. i procrastinate. i lie. i am apathetic toward family ties. i take things for granted. im mal-tempered. i am wasteful. i steal. im lazy. im not reverent. im lethargic. whatever"
What am I supposed to say to that? It's true. He is right in his own way and I even understand this point even without understanding. I can't help but feel so wrong for pointing out how he messed up. Why was I pointing the finger in the first place? I was angry, angry because this person spoke only half truths, didn't tell he whole story, and it hurt me because it was about me. So I felt I had to correct him. That makes me selfish, uncontroled?
When hear this, I feel there's no point to anything. For a split second I feel there is no reason to live. I feel that I should die, that everyone should just pull the plug on life.
Breathe breeeeaaaathhheee...
And what is this "wrong"?! Why does there have to be right and wrong? Why are we taught wrong, why do I need to be confined by right and wrong? I don't need to be but why do I feel guilty? I can't help but feel it when I'm consumed with what I think is guilt. "Who made me like this? Was it me and god in co-production?" Can't help but feel, I can't change what I feel... but I can control my actions and think about them. But... what about apathy?? I should not have responded in anger, but I'm only human. And to be human is to feel and be conscious of these feelings? But...what about apathy?? What about acknowledged apathy?
I just, I love my brother, and to hear him say these things is a gash in my soul. If he is dead physically, emotionally, whatever-ly I feel it. He is my brother, the closest genetic match I have to anyone else in this world. We read each others thoughts. Sometimes when we are together, I start singing a song and it's the exact song Jimi was singing in his head. We are almost the same person though we are not. And he feels his own things and I feel mine and sometimes we are at odds with each other. I just can't understand even when I wish to. Why do I feel Jimi is so withdrawn?
Does my need for pointing out what's wrong confine me as a person from being able to see on a greater level, to see another point of view? I desire to understand, I need to open my mind. Ha. I think I have blown all, out of proportion.
Breathing, Breathinnnngggg.
What am I supposed to say to that? It's true. He is right in his own way and I even understand this point even without understanding. I can't help but feel so wrong for pointing out how he messed up. Why was I pointing the finger in the first place? I was angry, angry because this person spoke only half truths, didn't tell he whole story, and it hurt me because it was about me. So I felt I had to correct him. That makes me selfish, uncontroled?
When hear this, I feel there's no point to anything. For a split second I feel there is no reason to live. I feel that I should die, that everyone should just pull the plug on life.
Breathe breeeeaaaathhheee...
And what is this "wrong"?! Why does there have to be right and wrong? Why are we taught wrong, why do I need to be confined by right and wrong? I don't need to be but why do I feel guilty? I can't help but feel it when I'm consumed with what I think is guilt. "Who made me like this? Was it me and god in co-production?" Can't help but feel, I can't change what I feel... but I can control my actions and think about them. But... what about apathy?? I should not have responded in anger, but I'm only human. And to be human is to feel and be conscious of these feelings? But...what about apathy?? What about acknowledged apathy?
I just, I love my brother, and to hear him say these things is a gash in my soul. If he is dead physically, emotionally, whatever-ly I feel it. He is my brother, the closest genetic match I have to anyone else in this world. We read each others thoughts. Sometimes when we are together, I start singing a song and it's the exact song Jimi was singing in his head. We are almost the same person though we are not. And he feels his own things and I feel mine and sometimes we are at odds with each other. I just can't understand even when I wish to. Why do I feel Jimi is so withdrawn?
Does my need for pointing out what's wrong confine me as a person from being able to see on a greater level, to see another point of view? I desire to understand, I need to open my mind. Ha. I think I have blown all, out of proportion.
Breathing, Breathinnnngggg.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
la pasion
Flamenco Flamenco. The way this woman moves, it takes me to another world.
Mas Flamenco
Artist of the week: Gypsy Kings
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