How many days do I have left until I'm down $100 dollars (little brutha's already got a payment plan for me: 5 weeks of cold hard cash plus interest. )?
3 fuckin' days
Am I going to do it?
SI SE FUCKIN' PUEDE CON AUDIBOOOOOOKS! AHUEVO! CON MADRE! GRACIAS A DIOS POR ESOS PINCHES LIBROS!!!
Tus pies de hueso arqueado, tus pequeños pies duros.
Yo sé que te sostienen, y que tu dulce peso sobre ellos se levanta.
Tu cintura y tus pechos, la duplicada púrpura de tus pezones, la caja de tus ojos que recién han volado, tu ancha boca de fruta, tu cabellera roja, pequeña torre mía.
Pero no amo tus pies sino porque anduvieron sobre la tierra y sobre el viento y sobre el agua, hasta que me encontraron.
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How do I begin to understand why I like this poem so much? Is it possible to like something without knowing why? Does it even matter? Mmmm Neruda, you romantic creature you.
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Dylan goes electric today, don't he?
Friday, April 11, 2008
Read "Benito Cerino" by Herman Melville. And ignore what the tower says.
Eva says:
Suck a wang.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Heard somebody say just the other day "the truth is rarely pure, and hardly simple."
Was recommended a book and when I did look, Thoreau, "Rather than love, than money, than fame" wanted truth.
While thinking of cowards, I turned to the tower "Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free."
Dylan's is "like ice, like fire", O'Brien always inquired, and I remember what my Pop told once told me. "Believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see."
What's truth if it even exists at all, and where can I get at least a handful of it in my life?
Since I can't bring you Elvis Presley (just yet), here's a little ELVIS Crespo.
Elvis Crespo-Tu Sonrisa (merengue baby!!)
Celia Cruz)- La Vida es un Carnaval (salsa or cumbia)the Cuban Queen of salsa!:
I don't know the name of this particular song but this girl dances beautifully to this bachata.
Monchy y Alexandra- Hasta El Fin. (Another bachata. If you compare the two you'll hear that distinct, very typical, guitar picking and the rolling pop of the bongos typical of bachatas. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh I loooooove it!):
I'm gonna burn you a CD of my favorites! I'm sooo excited for you. Once you start practicing and putting yourself out there on the floor, the moves just come naturally and you don't have to think about steps and patterns. Pixie it will come, it will come my darling!!! I know it's harder for the man, but don't let the frustration or intimidation or whatever make you stop. Keep going and you'll get it if you want it bad enough. And once you got the moves, you can create your own and add your own body rolls and hip juts where you want to put them. You got me thinking about how much fun I used to have with merengue, bachata, salsa, cumbia! It's in my veins!! I'm gonna start practicing again. I miss it soooo much! Ahhhh.
Eva Felina Ramone Today at 7:30pm You make me want to cry Jimi. You make me feel like I should just die.
James Stitts Today at 7:53pm ive already cried, i feel like im a fuck up and im really lost. i rather just dream all day then deal with it all. but eva no matter if im angry or unmotivated or whatever, i still love you dont think i dont. i love you more than any other person on this earth and ill always stand by that. people always say we are so much the same and i think its completely true. i see myself in you, we were raised in a pretty strange enviorment that we may never the ends to... i really lost all direction with this. i didnt want you to feel bad, i didnt mean to make you look at yourself in a different light. i just wanted you to understand, that i know im fucked up. i know my short comings and there is alot of self loathing going on here. .... i want to tell you to not bring them up, my short comings that is, but i think that i really do want you to. i think that i should, i think we should. if you dont want to talk now, i completely understand.
you shouldnt feel bad, youve done nothing that should attribute to those kinda emotions -----------
... we feel the same. I am just as lost. Maybe that's why I was angry. Angry because I myself am lost and I try to derive meaning by finding wrong someone else. It doesn't make me any better of a person. How selfish of me, and to do it to my own brother? We are going through the same things, feelings and thoughts. And I didn't even realize it. Oh life!!! Bittersweet and beautiful...We do feel, we FEEL! And Jimi's words, I feel their truth ring out in me. I just read my previous post and we said the same things, we felt the same things.
"im wrong, youre right. i procrastinate. i lie. i am apathetic toward family ties. i take things for granted. im mal-tempered. i am wasteful. i steal. im lazy. im not reverent. im lethargic. whatever"
What am I supposed to say to that? It's true. He is right in his own way and I even understand this point even without understanding. I can't help but feel so wrong for pointing out how he messed up. Why was I pointing the finger in the first place? I was angry, angry because this person spoke only half truths, didn't tell he whole story, and it hurt me because it was about me. So I felt I had to correct him. That makes me selfish, uncontroled?
When hear this, I feel there's no point to anything. For a split second I feel there is no reason to live. I feel that I should die, that everyone should just pull the plug on life.
Breathe breeeeaaaathhheee...
And what is this "wrong"?! Why does there have to be right and wrong? Why are we taught wrong, why do I need to be confined by right and wrong? I don't need to be but why do I feel guilty? I can't help but feel it when I'm consumed with what I think is guilt. "Who made me like this? Was it me and god in co-production?" Can't help but feel, I can't change what I feel... but I can control my actions and think about them. But... what about apathy?? I should not have responded in anger, but I'm only human. And to be human is to feel and be conscious of these feelings? But...what about apathy?? What about acknowledged apathy?
I just, I love my brother, and to hear him say these things is a gash in my soul. If he is dead physically, emotionally, whatever-ly I feel it. He is my brother, the closest genetic match I have to anyone else in this world. We read each others thoughts. Sometimes when we are together, I start singing a song and it's the exact song Jimi was singing in his head. We are almost the same person though we are not. And he feels his own things and I feel mine and sometimes we are at odds with each other. I just can't understand even when I wish to. Why do I feel Jimi is so withdrawn?
Does my need for pointing out what's wrong confine me as a person from being able to see on a greater level, to see another point of view? I desire to understand, I need to open my mind. Ha. I think I have blown all, out of proportion.
In class we spoke of argument. "Everything is an argument", you'd tell us. From the clothes we wear, the movies we watch, the books we read, the words that come out of us. But what about theneedtojustEXPRESS, to just put it out there without really trying to convince anyone of anything. Just self expression straight up. Like scribbling... you're in class taking notes but your mind's on other things and you just start drawing for the sake of it right there on your notes. You start drawing simply for the smooth feel of soft lead on tree pulp. You're just being, maybe you're working things out in your head while you doodle. Is that argument? Or what about when someone throws a lump of clay at you (make sure you catch it) and you just stick your hands in it and feel the damp earth between your fingers and under your nails. You play, you pull, you score, you attach, and it starts to take shape on (what seems to be) it's own. Maybe sometimes there isn't any intention to persuade. Maybe what is expressed is just that- an expression. But then again what is expressed might reveal a lot about a person?
