uncontrolled rambling emotion

"im wrong, youre right. i procrastinate. i lie. i am apathetic toward family ties. i take things for granted. im mal-tempered. i am wasteful. i steal. im lazy. im not reverent. im lethargic. whatever"

What am I supposed to say to that? It's true. He is right in his own way and I even understand this point even without understanding. I can't help but feel so wrong for pointing out how he messed up. Why was I pointing the finger in the first place? I was angry, angry because this person spoke only half truths, didn't tell he whole story, and it hurt me because it was about me. So I felt I had to correct him. That makes me selfish, uncontroled?

When hear this, I feel there's no point to anything. For a split second I feel there is no reason to live. I feel that I should die, that everyone should just pull the plug on life.

Breathe breeeeaaaathhheee...

And what is this "wrong"?! Why does there have to be right and wrong? Why are we taught wrong, why do I need to be confined by right and wrong? I don't need to be but why do I feel guilty? I can't help but feel it when I'm consumed with what I think is guilt. "Who made me like this? Was it me and god in co-production?" Can't help but feel, I can't change what I feel... but I can control my actions and think about them. But... what about apathy?? I should not have responded in anger, but I'm only human. And to be human is to feel and be conscious of these feelings? But...what about apathy?? What about acknowledged apathy?

I just, I love my brother, and to hear him say these things is a gash in my soul. If he is dead physically, emotionally, whatever-ly I feel it. He is my brother, the closest genetic match I have to anyone else in this world. We read each others thoughts. Sometimes when we are together, I start singing a song and it's the exact song Jimi was singing in his head. We are almost the same person though we are not. And he feels his own things and I feel mine and sometimes we are at odds with each other. I just can't understand even when I wish to. Why do I feel Jimi is so withdrawn?

Does my need for pointing out what's wrong confine me as a person from being able to see on a greater level, to see another point of view? I desire to understand, I need to open my mind. Ha. I think I have blown all, out of proportion.

Breathing, Breathinnnngggg.

la pasion

Flamenco Flamenco. The way this woman moves, it takes me to another world.



Mas Flamenco

Artist of the week: Gypsy Kings

"I swear, this is not a world of Men, Machine." In such a world, that dude was alright... 

he's not tHere

Que descanse en paz.

I wanna get lost

In class we spoke of argument. "Everything is an argument", you'd tell us. From the clothes we wear, the movies we watch, the books we read, the words that come out of us.
But what about theneedtojustEXPRESS, to just put it out there without really trying to convince anyone of anything. Just self expression straight up. Like scribbling... you're in class taking notes but your mind's on other things and you just start drawing for the sake of it right there on your notes. You start drawing simply for the smooth feel of soft lead on tree pulp. You're just being, maybe you're working things out in your head while you doodle. Is that argument? Or what about when someone throws a lump of clay at you (make sure you catch it) and you just stick your hands in it and feel the damp earth between your fingers and under your nails. You play, you pull, you score, you attach, and it starts to take shape on (what seems to be) it's own.
Maybe sometimes there isn't any intention to persuade. Maybe what is expressed is just that- an expression. But then again what is expressed might reveal a lot about a person?

asdfjkl;

Mr. Piekarski,

You left us so fast today! There was no resolve to our class, but I can almost bet that was not without reason since, as rhetoric has shown us, most everything is with purpose. Very clever Mr. P. Way to make us come to your movie showing. I'll have to save my guess for Sunday.

Thank you, thank you, for an amazing class. Your ethos as a professor and as a human being made this class a fertile garden for personal growth and budding. You Sir successfully created an environment that made us/me feel comfortable to speak and to voice our/my thoughts, and if our fruitful, revolutionary, discussions aren't proof enough well then, you're just a horrible observer. Last year I saw you as a very witty, occasionally sarcastic, type of character that knew his material well and got us to learn quickly. But this year I was able to see a genuine warmth in your character that didn't convey with irony but spoke rather in the Vietnamese manner of speech without irony. It was refreshing.

I learned about Vietnam. I learned about Rhetoric. I learned about the Rhetoric of Vietnam, and on another level, I definitely learned a lot about myself in very tangible ways. This will help me on my journey and direction in life. Thank you for this, your advise, your knowledge, and your kindness.

Hmm White Russians. A Big Lebowski thing I'm guessing. I gotta get to them pearly white gates, so I suppose that means I have to see this movie!

You never cease to amaze me, so I reckon you'll continue to do so. I'm ready. Show me your tricks, magician.